* NOTE THIS WAS ALL WRITTEN BEFORE I HUNG OUT  WITH MY BEST (male) FRIEND A. an always slightly humorous & judgement-free venting session with him always manages to do the trick and suddenly all is well :)

I've been listening through the Killers discography non-stop recently and have come to the conclusion that Hot Fuss is the greatest album ever made, though I think I've always secretively known that.

so the last couple days have been absolute shit and I feel like having a bitch about it, so here goes;

Sometimes I think about how much I'd love to just have an off switch for my feelings. I don't want to feel angry, I don't want to feel guilty, I don't want to feel jealousy, I don't want to worry anymore and I especially don't want to feel lonely or sad.  I mean who would?

Things in my life are pretty good at the moment but I seem to have contracted this ability to hurt people which is the last thing I want. I also seem to be contradicting a lot of my previous beliefs just to avoid those previously stated feelings. And in the end they still manage to catch up with me, all it takes is one run in or a bad conversation and I feel like I'm just completely thrown off track.
It's like I've tried to move forward by forgetting which just hasn't really been too effective. There will always be a reminder somewhere and then I'm knocked back out again picking up the pieces and putting myself back together. I guess really though it's a good thing that I'm able to overcome it, it doesn't take as long each time to get back up but I just can't help hating myself for being so weak in the first place. Hopefully in the near future there will be no breaking, I suppose I still need to give myself more time.

If only I did have an off switch.